Amazing Grace
by Juliet Knighly
Summary: "When we've been here ten thousand years, bright as the shining sun. We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we've first begun"


I woke up sobbing, having the same dream as the previous night.

*I'm watching them be happy together, when all of the sudden it's me instead of Sam. Suddenly we're at a wedding reception, only I'M the one in the white dress, and he sits next to me wearing a tuxedo, both of us barely eighteen. Sam is on my other side, and she's laughing with her ex-boyfriend Shane, when suddenly he asks her to marry him, and she says "Yes a million times!" Then they're locked in an embrace, while Shane slips the ring onto her finger.

I hear Freddie whisper to me, "Looks like you've got another wedding to go to." I laugh and enjoy the rest of the party. Even my mom is there with my dad.

Then it changes… it's a funeral home, and there are pictures of Freddie on a closed casket. And there's me, very pregnant looking, sobbing next to it. Sam and Shane come in, and she gives me a hug, telling me everything will be okay. After they leave, I sit in a chair and catch bits of conversations.

"He sacrificed himself for her and the baby…"

"It's a miracle they survived, though, did you see the wreck…"And it all kills me. I cant take it so I run and run…*

Then I'm in my bed again. Tear soaked pillow, drenched in sweat, and my body convulsing with each broken sob.

_Why me? _I think._ Why is it that the boy that I'm so in love with, has to love my best friend._ There's no use going back to sleep, I'll just have the same dream again. So I wander the house, not thinking, not caring, not feeling. I'm non-existent, and I like it. It's seven o'clock, but because of the over cast sky, its as dark as midnight. Days like these are my favorite, so bland, so quiet. Just like my life.

My entire family is dead. Spencer was killed in a car accident when he tried to drive home from a bar. My mom died when I was little. My dad was deployed to Afghanistan, and a group of rogues went on a killing spree. He was hit and fatally injured, dead before they got him to a medic.

So everything went to me, and I bought a quiet little house in the country. I live alone, with only my fish for company, and occasionally Sam and Freddie. But I don't like it when they come. They only remind me of my emptiness. Heck, I should still be living with my parents, I'm only sixteen.

As I continue to walk around my little home, I wonder what heaven is like. After my family was gone, I decided to start going to church again. There's one just a little ways from my house, and I walk there every Sunday. I start singing my favorite hymn, and it brings back funny memories. "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me…" oh the sweetness of that song, and the comfort it brought was unlike anything I've ever felt. It was strange, I wondered why I'd never felt like this when I'd sung it before…

I heard a knock on the door, and wondered who it would be. It was two men, one with a backpack…

I didn't even know what was happening before they shoved me aside and shot me. They began to tear through the house, looking for anything of value. I began to sing again, and peace filled me once more. I couldn't feel the pain anymore, though I knew I was slipping away. They say your life flashes before your eyes, but its not exactly true. You remember good times, times when you were the happiest person on earth, but you don't remember everything, and you don't remember bad times.

I want to write Sam and Freddie one last note, tell them I'm happy for them and that I'M happy now. They knew I was upset, but they didn't know why. I never felt the need to ruin their relationship, unlike some selfish people. I regret shooing them out of the house every now and then, when their lovey dovey looks got so frequent I couldn't stand it.

I start dragging myself slowly across the floor. I manage to get a pen and scrap of paper and start writing. The two men don't notice me, they're too absorbed in ransacking the place.

I can barely hold the pen, but this is what I write,

_Dear Sam and Freddie, I love you guys, and I'm so happy that you guys are happy. Speaking of happy, I am too. I'm in heaven with my mom, and maybe even my dad and Spencer. But I just wanted you to know that I love you both very much. Xoxo carly._

I have enough energy to move a little back to where I was. I fold the note, and hold it tightly. They'll be the first ones to find me, I know. I'm taking what I know to be my last few breaths, and I watch the men rummage through one of my kitchen drawers. Now I can see an angel kneeling beside me and stroking my hand. Its whispering, "In a few more seconds you'll be home," it says. I give a small nod as a few tears roll down my face. I can feel a small smile find its way onto my face. The angel is still whispering words of comfort, and the noises and voices of the men are fading. The world starts to go white, and in just a few more milliseconds I feel my heart give it's last beat.

* * *

I'm bowing before three large thrones, dressed in a short-sleeved, knee-length white dress. Imagine flawless diamonds sparkling in the sunlight. Imagine ice cold lemonade running down your throat on a hot summers day. Imagine taking a bath in pure sunlight. Now multiply that googolplex. That doesn't even come close to the surface of God.

I remember all my sins, and am so utterly ashamed it feels like its crushing me. But then the weight is lifted, and Jesus steps down off his throne, and lifts me up. He shows me when I was in church once, and a stranger came in. He looked sad, so I invited him to sit with me and come to my house for dinner. He had declined, but said thank you for the invitation. He had come every Sunday since, and we were good friends.

Jesus spoke, "He was much like you, Carly. He had no family or friends, and he said to me that " If nobody welcomed him in this church, he would never follow me." but you welcomed him, and because of that, you saved his soul."

Then he showed me a time when I was picking up my food stamps. An older woman had come in and tried to qualify, but she didn't. I walked over and gave her mine. She had thanked me and tried to give me some money, but I said, "A good deed is it's own reward." and I gave her a smile and left. Later she had wondered what made me different, and decided to go to church the following Sunday. She had accepted Jesus as her savior that very day.

Then he showed me other times, times where I had not necessarily converted anyone but made them wonder. Jesus is speaking again,

"You have done well, daughter. Come be with me in my kingdom."

I can see gates made purely of pearl open, and I see my mom on the other end. She's beautiful, and I can picture what she must have looked like on earth. I run to her and give her a huge hug, like I never got to on earth. She starts showing me around, and heaven is so beautiful a place, that when God said you cant imagine it, he was 100% right, and isn't he always?

So now I'm here. I have my own house, and I get to be with Jesus all the time, even though time is irrelevant here. I asked God if I could get my fish, and he said I could. An angel escorted me there and back. I wonder if, when Sam and Freddie find my body, they'll notice my fish are gone? Nah, they'll be too preoccupied with being sad, something I don't understand anymore.

I love singing for Jesus, it's one of my favorite things to do. My favorite song to sing is Amazing Grace. I also love creating pictures for Him, and dancing with my brothers and sisters. I may have been a klutz back on earth, but here I'm as graceful as bird. I love new arrivals, I met a little girl, Mai, who had been killed while trying to escape a prison in North Korea. Sadly, her parents weren't Christians... I gave her a "tour," though you can never see the entire place.

"When we've been here ten thousand years…bright as the shining sun. We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we've first begun."

I'll sing it one more time. "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind, but now, I see… I'll see you here."

**A/N: Well, here it is. My first and probably last iCarly fic. I love it, though you might not. Please review, and please please PLEASE be nice when you do, nobody likes mean reviews. **


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